"Five Nights at Freddy's 2" is the Worst Blockbuster of the Year.

Back in 2019, legendary filmmaker, Martin Scorsese came under public fire for his disdain of modern blockbuster movies, specifically those from Marvel studios. He critiqued them by likening them to "theme park rides" rather than genuine cinema. Millions were outraged at these claims, but as the years go on, I find myself reluctantly agreeing more and more with Scorsese's personal gripes. Speaking of blockbusters, this past weekend saw the release of Blumhouse's newest horror feature, Five Nights at Freddy's 2, a film that is such a bleak, shameless cash-grab, it makes even the worst of Marvel look like Citizen Kane.

Growing up as a child in the 2010's, I have many fond memories of playing video games with my brother. One of the games that had probably the biggest impact on not only my life, but the lives of my peers was Scott Cawthon's Five Nights at Freddy's series. This fascination expanded way farther than just the games. My friends and I would spend hours watching youtube videos, listening to song parodies, making our own characters, FNAF truly was a cultural phenomenon. So when the film adaptation finally got released in 2023, I was skeptical yet optimistic. As someone who grew up playing the games, I wanted the movie to be a success despite not having very high hopes. Even though it turned out to be disappointing, it was still a great time at the movies to have with friends. I had a similar feeling upon hearing that the sequel got green-lit. After all, the second game has always been my favorite. Two years later, the sequel has officially hit theaters, but not only is it not a great time at the movies, it may just be the single worst blockbuster of the year.

Let me not mince words here: Five Nights at Freddy's 2 is slop. I got the same feeling watching it as I do when I come across AI brainrot on Instagram reels. The script is so nonsensical that if it was not attached to an existing IP, the writers would've been laughed out of the boardroom. The tragedy here is that the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise has a lot of interesting lore, it's the reason why it became such a phenomenon. There is a concise, linear story that takes place throughout the games, but when it comes to the films, all of that is thrown out the window. But while I'm disappointed, I understand why Blumhouse did this. In addition to being gripping, FNAF's lore is also incredibly dense. Literal thousands of youtube videos have been made documenting all of the intricate details and making theories to fill in the gaps. There is enough interesting material in FNAF to make a great series of films, but Blumhouse doesn't seem interested in doing that nearly as much as making copious amounts of money.

This past October at Universal Studios Hollywood, the park's fabled Halloween Horror Nights saw record turnouts, with haunted house lines spanning for what seemed like miles. This year, Universal put easily the most time, effort, and money into their Freddy Fazbear's Pizza haunted house. After waiting in line for what seemed like forever, I finally got to experience the attraction. And while impressively made, I couldn't help but feel like I had just waited three hours to walk through a giant, immersive advertisement. So when I think of Martin Scorsese comparing Marvel movies to theme park rides, I couldn't help but recognize how much that statement applied to the Five Nights at Freddy's movies. And upon realizing that I felt really stupid. After all, I just wasted an entire night on an elaborate ad.

The only real praise I can give to Five Nights at Freddy's 2 is that the animatronics and production design look decent and well-funded. Aside from that, the script is terrible, the acting is cringe-inducing, and it genuinely feels like nobody involved in production had ever even heard of the games. Perhaps the most clear and concise way I can summarize Five Nights at Freddy's 2 is: insulting. Fans deserve better, audiences deserve better, you deserve better.